Does Anybody Know Me?
by Super Gecko
Summary: Rated for mature themes self harm . Ryou Bakura...What do you think of when you hear that name?


Sup, I was always kind of disappointed with Yu-Gi-Oh, in the way they kind of brushed over the character of Ryou Bakura.

I know he's not the most important character, but considering all awful stuff he has been through… it's just disappointing that they never really explored the character that well.

He had a lot of potential and yet they chose to focus on Yami Bakura more (much to the delight of the fan girls).

This story is just what I think could have been going through his mind at certain times; feel free to disagree, after all it is just my personal interpretation of the character.

**Angsty thing**

Ryou Bakura, what do you think of when you hear that name?

In your mind do you see a shy, polite boy, with long white hair, big brown eyes and sweet smile?

Of course you do, because that's all I let people see.

God forbid I be anything but plain, easily forgotten Ryou Bakura.

Then again I have always sat in the background.

My name is Ryou Bakura, I am 16 years old and today I am going to tell you what I've been holding in for so long.

First things first,

When I first became aware of the spirit of the millennium ring I thought I was going crazy.

I would awake in the middle of the night from horrific nightmares, filled with screaming so loud in would hurt my ears, the foul smell of burning flesh filling my nostrils, suffocating me.

I hated them; they felt so real, I could feel the sun beating down on my skin, burning it. I could feel all the hate, the anger and the pain of the thief king.

If the nightmares weren't enough, the power of the ring began to affect me during the day.

I could hear him, whispering, whispering, inside my own head. Overpowering my own thoughts. I tried to ignore it but it made him angry…it made him shout to get my attention, it made him scream.

I felt sick, I couldn't even control my own mind because he was there…filling up my head with his thoughts, his memories, his evil.

I still remember the first time he possessed me, I had never felt so afraid in my life…

I had grown so weak, he had been wearing me down for a month, no wonder it was so easy for him to take control.

At first it felt like I was drowning, one minute I was fine, the next I couldn't see…

Everything around me was pitch black and silent; I couldn't even hear myself screaming…

When I came back it took a while to realize what had happened.

I hated him, I knew there was no point in trying to remove the ring from myself, it had imbedded the spikes into my chest long ago. But it didn't stop me from trying.

Scissors, knifes and razor blades, if it had a sharp edge I dug it into my skin, trying to pry the ring away.

At one point I passed out from the pain, when I awoke in the hospital. I realized my Dad had found me, lying unconscious and covered in my own blood.

Safe to say, he kept all the sharp things under strict supervision from then on. I became desperate enough that I started breaking glass just to keep cutting; at least trying to rid myself of him gave me the illusion that I was fighting it.

You would think after these events Dad would pay a little more attention, but no…then again no surprise there.

Now don't get me wrong I loved my sister and I miss her like hell every day. Same with my Mother.

But I just wish that Dad would wake up and notice that I'm still alive…but I might as well be dead too with the amount of notice he takes of me.

He just tries to lock himself away, pretends that there is nothing wrong. It's probably why he travels so much…because being here with me just reminds him of everything that happened…

I wish he would at least try to stick around, God I miss Amane some days…I still write to her you know.

I know you probably think I'm a freak, but it helps, she was the only person I could talk to then and still is to this day. If she was here now she would know what to do…

She would try and help me…

More than anything I wish I had someone to talk to…Yugi is completely useless, he may think he's going through the same thing as me, but he isn't.

He has never had to deal with a psychopath possessing his body and invading his mind. He isn't kept awake every night from the fear that if you go to sleep he will take control again.

He doesn't have to distance himself from everybody, afraid that if they get too close he will hurt them.

I had always had problems with making friends, the fact that almost every friend I made ended up in a coma probably didn't help…it was all my fault… Even when I came to Domino high I still wound up lonely as usual.

They think the reason I don't have many friends is because I'm shy…no, it's because I know that if I spend too much time a round Yugi, the spirit will be too tempted.

He will see that I am always around the Pharaohs' vessel and he won't be able to resist…

He will take over me and kill him as soon as possible.

I don't know what to do anymore, if this…THING…doesn't kill me, if I have to feel like this for the rest of my life…then I don't want to feel anymore…

I don't want to exist if this is what my life is going to be like…

Suicide isn't even an option anymore, I've tried three times now and each time, just as I was a bout to do it…he would wake up and take over.

I tried jumping from the ninth floor of a building, but just as I was about to, I blacked out and woke up later at home.

IF HE WON'T LET ME LIVE, WHY CAN'T HE JUST LET ME DIE?

Sorry…I'm getting emotional…

…It's funny…with all the talk of friendship that Yugi and his group made, they have always done a fine job of excluding me…

I wonder what life would have been like if the ring didn't come to me?

I would probably still be at my first school, with all friends that I made back then…and I would be happy…no ring, no spirit, nothing to worry about…crap, I can't even imagine life without his presence…I've become accustomed to it.

Still doesn't change the fact that I hate him.

I wonder… if more people knew what I was going through, would they care? Would they try and help me?

No…they wouldn't…

I can't rely on anyone, I can only rely on myself.

I'm just gonna have to deal with this alone.

I've always been alone, I'm used to it.

But I promise, I won't rest until I find a way to free myself of him

I want to be in control of my life

I don't care what it takes

Even if I means I have to die just to be free then I will do it

I refuse to sit in the background anymore

I want to be in control of my destiny

My name is Ryou Bakura, I am 16 years old and today I am taking my first steps to being free…


End file.
